Half-pensioner

I didn't notice that my dad has been skipping work for the past few days, holing up at home chilling his ass out. So imagine my surprised when he dropped by my office in casual garb around 4 in the evening(just to borrow the gents), and proceed to tell me that he's going to his usual haunt for his daily coffee and gossip fix. 

(Dude just waltzes in like fucking King Solomon) 

Me: (Notices his shorts and sandals combo)WHAT THE HELL? Do you NOT need to work?

Dad: As a matter of fact, I do not need to. 

Me: ...........

But to be fair, his current status indeed, is half-retired. 

MEME TIME

1. Last Beverage → Water
2. Last phone call from → Client
3. Last text message from → Client
4. Last song you listened to → Saint by Texas
5. Last time you cried → Quite a long time ago I think

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Dated someone twice → Yes
2. Been cheated on? → No
3. Kissed someone & regretted it? → Not really....
4. Lost someone special? → Yes 
5. Been depressed? → Yes 
6. Been drunk and threw up? → Yes, back when I thought I was born to drink like a sailor

FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
1. Purple
2. Green
3. Blue
4. Black

HAVE YOU:
1. Made new friends → Not much
2. Fallen out of love → Consider yes....maybe?
3. Laughed until you cried → Yes. I'm easily amused
4. Met someone who changed you → Yes
5. Found out who your true friends were → Yes.
6. Found out someone was talking about you → Yes
7. Kissed anyone on your friend's list → No
8. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → 95%
9. How many kids do you want to have → Uh. Maybe 2? If I really do end up having kids.....
10. Do you have any pets → Personal pets, no. Household pets, yes.
11. Do you want to change your name → No
12. What did you do for your last birthday → Nothing. Was supposed to get drunk and act like a slut in Bangkok, but nada.
13. What time did you wake up today → 7.05am
14. What were you doing at midnight last night → Passed out like a log
15. Name something you CANNOT wait for →Having a few more zeroes in my bank account
16. Last time you saw your father → This afternoon
17. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → Be more confident in myself. Or, have bigger balls. 
18. What are you listening to right now → Nothing
19. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → No, don't think so
20. Most visited webpage → Facebook , Yahoo Mail , Gawker Media blogs

ABOUT YOU:
1. What's your name → Ah Hooi
2. Nicknames → HOOOOI, Xuxu, Ah Kei
3. Relationship Status → Single
4. Zodiac sign → Scorpio
5. Male or female or transgendered → Female
6. Elementary → SRJK (c) Pei Hua
7. Middle School → SM (C) Chung Hwa
8. High school → SM (C) Chung Hwa
9. Hair color → Black, Dark Brown
10. Long or short → Short
11. Height → 158cm
12. Do you have a crush on someone? → No
13: What do you like about yourself? → That I'm thick-skinned enough to admit that I find little fault in myself LOL
14. Piercings → No
15. Tattoos → No, but still thinking about getting one. 
16. Righty or lefty → Righty

FIRSTS :
22. First surgery → No
23. First piercing → No
24. First best friends → Ah Po
26. First sport you joined → Swimming
27. First pet → Uh, nameless dog.
28. First vacation → Penang? Singapore?
29. First concert → Never been to one
30. First crush → A classmate(and others) in Standard 6.

RIGHT NOW:
49. Eating → Air
50. Drinking → Water
52. I'm about to → Start counting down to going home
53. Listening to → Nothing
55. Waiting for → 6pm to arrive so I can bail

YOUR FUTURE :
58. Want kids? → Maybe
59. Want to get married? → Maybe
60. Careers in mind? → Ball-busting bitchzilla from hell making shitloads of money. Ok, probably something big in finance. 

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
68. Lips or eyes → Both
69. Hugs or kisses → Both
70. Shorter or taller → Taller
71. Older or Younger → Older
72. Romantic or spontaneous → Siding more to spontaneous
73. Nice stomach or nice arms → No preference
74. Sensitive or loud → A bit of both
75. Hook-up or relationship → I don't mind either way
77. Trouble maker or hesitant→ Def. trouble maker. I think that guys nowadays are TOO hesitant. I mean, sometimes I feel like I have a bigger dick than them. 

HAVE YOU EVER :
78. Kissed a stranger → Hehehehehe
79. Drank hard liquor → Yes
80. Lost glasses/contacts → Yes
81. Sex on first date → No
82. Broken someone's heart → Maybe? Not sure
83. Had your own heart broken → Yes
86. Turned someone down → Yes
87. Cried when someone died → No
88. Liked a friend that is a Boy? → Used to have silly crushes on guy friends, but kinda outgrown that

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself → Sometimes
90. Miracles → Yes.
91. Love at first sight → I prefer lust at first sight
92. Heaven → Yes, if its fill with unlimited supply of sex, food and entertainment
93. Santa Clause → For the kiddies
95. Kiss on the first date? → I would even fuck on a first date if things went right
96. Angels → No

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → No. Imaginary boyfriends don't count
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → No
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? → You fucking bet I will

This is a code ten

Usually I don't do this,  but O.M.F.G.  HOW DID AMY MOTHERFUCKING SEDARIS END UP AS KYRA SEDGWICK'S TV SISTER-IN-LAW IN THE CLOSER!!!!111!!??????

If you thought Brenda Lee Johnson is eccentric, apparently the writers thinks that someone is more crazier than her. 

I can't get over this fact. I have to type it out even I haven't finish watching this episode. 

On a side note, I really enjoyed blasting The Lonely Island's Incredibad. Shit's dope like hale. But Lady GaGa is still pretty much on my "meh" list.  Until she comes up with something slightly more interesting than not wearing any pants and shoving her nicely-waxed crotch line in my face, I'm passing it. 

The Curious Case of Brangelina

Dad: What's up with this Brad Pitt and his wife?
Me: He's not married.
Dad: Yeah, but what's up with them adopting all these kids when they have so many of their own?
Me: I think they have.....6. 6 altogether. 3 are their own birth children.
Dad: What if they divorced?
Me: They're not married.
Dad: Yeah, what if they broke up? How are they gonna split the kids? Who's going to get who?
Me: Yeah.
Dad: I mean, what's wrong with them? Why do they need so many kids?

I was amused.

2009

So, we're officially in 2009 now. I woke up to the sounds of screaming babies, construction work and my friend's giggling on the very first day of 2009. Went out for an extremely idiotic and expensive dinner on New Year's Eve, watched 2008 end on the subway, passed out at 2am after gossiping about celebrities. Exciting.

Passed on the invite to go partying with a friend's friend, thanks to that nightmare of a so-called night out on Merdeka's Eve, where the bad music and bad company was so bad it made my 2008's top 10 memorable stuff list. I'm not saying that I don't like partying, in fact, I do enjoy it if its played out right, but going out on the night that EVERYONE is going out doesn't seem very appealing.

All in all, 2008 was, uhm 2008? I have no idea what went on and can't seem to think of any personal achievements that needs detailing. Goals and resolution were made but none was fulfilled(haircuts do not fucking count). By the end of 2009, I will turn the god-fucking old age of 25. So yeah, we'll see how this year turns out.

Men are huge gossipers

Apparently its true. Men likes to gossip as much as women does, and their info are usually way more juicier than us womenfolks usually managed to spew. Case in hand, I received this SMS from my dad(the biggest gossiper I have ever known) this afternoon:


Wishing U N Familys Merry Christmas & Happy New Year. From A*** T** & Familys


I didn't pay much attention to the horrid grammar and spelling mistakes of the message because I was busy trying to recalled who was the greeting's sender. Alas, not more than a minute later, I received a 2nd SMS from my dad:


A*** T** is the 2nd(hand) car dealer who bought my company's lorry. He really meant it when he typed "familiys" bcos he has got 2.


Can you say OH SNAP! in a more wicked way? And how in god damn hell did he find out that the car dealer who bought a vehicle from him has a mistress?


Amusing SMSes aside, its the holiday season!! I will be spending my time holed up in front of the PC, snacking on rubbish food, drinking sugary drinks and watching noneducational TV shows. YAY for me! Fuck you, you sad sad pathetic world!

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone! Drink safely, drive safely and fuck safely! 2009 is gonna be more fucked up than 2008, cherish it bitches!

This shit kills me

From Street Boners and TV Carnage, a post waxing poetic of the greatness of Burger King in epic proportions:


Keep Steve Jobs and his fagpods - whoever has been breathing new life into Burger King over the last 5 years should get a fucking medal.

I don’t get to go to Burger King very often because a) I’m a faggot and my wife and I eat tofu every night, and b) I can’t get there for lunch because there ARE NONE.

There are like no goddamn Burger Kings in Manhattan anymore (R.I.P. Fuckin oldschool 82st street in the 1980’s - after seeing Indiana Jones Temple of Doomat Lowes 84th?! can i get a witness?!?) and the ones that still are in Manhattan are staffed by blacks so lobotomized, lazy, scary, and slow that they make niggas lining up outside the Methadone Clinic look like Barack Obama’s financial crisis team.

But just because I don’t get to go to BK more than once or twice a year, let me quote my man Artie and say that there is not a five star restaurant on this planet that can produce something that tastes better than a Whopper at two in the morning.

I don’t know if you’ve been following their campaigns for the last few years, but whoever Burger King’s Steve Jobs is deserves to be blown by 78 virgins. This nigga said “fuck it, we number two. Let’s be number two HARD.”

When McDonalds got salads and fuckin stopped supersizing, burger king said fuck your hearts, now we own the supersizing market NIGGARDS.

When McDonalds got salads and fuckin hemp oil shakes and whatever other pussy-ass shit they sell now, Burger King created the triple purple heart whopper which you can STILL supersize.
Burger King brought back The King character to capitalize on the retarded vintage craze popular with the youngins. Brilliant! See that over-sized Ashton Kutcher head? Nigga literally got the idea from the vintage market for this crap on ebay.

Burger King embraces sex and violence: The in-bed-with-the-king campaign, where my man wakes up with a Courtesan on either side? Viral videos where guys use the Long Chicken sandwich as falsecocks? Yes! This is balls, this is what sells, and this is what people wanna see. I want to be entertained, and this shit is win.

Finally kids, the nuke: WhopperVirgins.com. Burger King sends niggas out to fourth-world countries like some Sam Kinison ass shit: They make the Khalari Bushmen compare Whoppers to BigMacs in exploitative genius.

Tightass faggots cry and complain their PC cunts out, but Burger King keeps their pimp hand strong, racks in the publicity, and the Bushmen of the Kalahari have a new fucking god.

Shut your Chamomile Tea holes: The Whopper is the greatest thing that has ever happened to these people. Believe me, visit them in 20 years and the little browns will be worshiping the leftover wrapper like it’s C3P0, passing tales of the benevolent King down to their distended-bellied flypaper children via oral tradition.

Meet me here at 1:00 PM.