This shit kills me
From Street Boners and TV Carnage, a post waxing poetic of the greatness of Burger King in epic proportions:
Keep Steve Jobs and his fagpods - whoever has been breathing new life into Burger King over the last 5 years should get a fucking medal.
I don’t get to go to Burger King very often because a) I’m a faggot and my wife and I eat tofu every night, and b) I can’t get there for lunch because there ARE NONE.
There are like no goddamn Burger Kings in Manhattan anymore (R.I.P. Fuckin oldschool 82st street in the 1980’s - after seeing Indiana Jones Temple of Doomat Lowes 84th?! can i get a witness?!?) and the ones that still are in Manhattan are staffed by blacks so lobotomized, lazy, scary, and slow that they make niggas lining up outside the Methadone Clinic look like Barack Obama’s financial crisis team.
But just because I don’t get to go to BK more than once or twice a year, let me quote my man Artie and say that there is not a five star restaurant on this planet that can produce something that tastes better than a Whopper at two in the morning.
I don’t know if you’ve been following their campaigns for the last few years, but whoever Burger King’s Steve Jobs is deserves to be blown by 78 virgins. This nigga said “fuck it, we number two. Let’s be number two HARD.”
When McDonalds got salads and fuckin stopped supersizing, burger king said fuck your hearts, now we own the supersizing market NIGGARDS.
When McDonalds got salads and fuckin hemp oil shakes and whatever other pussy-ass shit they sell now, Burger King created the triple purple heart whopper which you can STILL supersize.
Burger King brought back The King character to capitalize on the retarded vintage craze popular with the youngins. Brilliant! See that over-sized Ashton Kutcher head? Nigga literally got the idea from the vintage market for this crap on ebay.
Burger King embraces sex and violence: The in-bed-with-the-king campaign, where my man wakes up with a Courtesan on either side? Viral videos where guys use the Long Chicken sandwich as falsecocks? Yes! This is balls, this is what sells, and this is what people wanna see. I want to be entertained, and this shit is win.
Finally kids, the nuke: WhopperVirgins.com. Burger King sends niggas out to fourth-world countries like some Sam Kinison ass shit: They make the Khalari Bushmen compare Whoppers to BigMacs in exploitative genius.
Tightass faggots cry and complain their PC cunts out, but Burger King keeps their pimp hand strong, racks in the publicity, and the Bushmen of the Kalahari have a new fucking god.
Shut your Chamomile Tea holes: The Whopper is the greatest thing that has ever happened to these people. Believe me, visit them in 20 years and the little browns will be worshiping the leftover wrapper like it’s C3P0, passing tales of the benevolent King down to their distended-bellied flypaper children via oral tradition.
Meet me here at 1:00 PM.
Keep Steve Jobs and his fagpods - whoever has been breathing new life into Burger King over the last 5 years should get a fucking medal.
I don’t get to go to Burger King very often because a) I’m a faggot and my wife and I eat tofu every night, and b) I can’t get there for lunch because there ARE NONE.
There are like no goddamn Burger Kings in Manhattan anymore (R.I.P. Fuckin oldschool 82st street in the 1980’s - after seeing Indiana Jones Temple of Doomat Lowes 84th?! can i get a witness?!?) and the ones that still are in Manhattan are staffed by blacks so lobotomized, lazy, scary, and slow that they make niggas lining up outside the Methadone Clinic look like Barack Obama’s financial crisis team.
But just because I don’t get to go to BK more than once or twice a year, let me quote my man Artie and say that there is not a five star restaurant on this planet that can produce something that tastes better than a Whopper at two in the morning.
I don’t know if you’ve been following their campaigns for the last few years, but whoever Burger King’s Steve Jobs is deserves to be blown by 78 virgins. This nigga said “fuck it, we number two. Let’s be number two HARD.”
When McDonalds got salads and fuckin stopped supersizing, burger king said fuck your hearts, now we own the supersizing market NIGGARDS.
When McDonalds got salads and fuckin hemp oil shakes and whatever other pussy-ass shit they sell now, Burger King created the triple purple heart whopper which you can STILL supersize.
Burger King brought back The King character to capitalize on the retarded vintage craze popular with the youngins. Brilliant! See that over-sized Ashton Kutcher head? Nigga literally got the idea from the vintage market for this crap on ebay.
Burger King embraces sex and violence: The in-bed-with-the-king campaign, where my man wakes up with a Courtesan on either side? Viral videos where guys use the Long Chicken sandwich as falsecocks? Yes! This is balls, this is what sells, and this is what people wanna see. I want to be entertained, and this shit is win.
Finally kids, the nuke: WhopperVirgins.com. Burger King sends niggas out to fourth-world countries like some Sam Kinison ass shit: They make the Khalari Bushmen compare Whoppers to BigMacs in exploitative genius.
Tightass faggots cry and complain their PC cunts out, but Burger King keeps their pimp hand strong, racks in the publicity, and the Bushmen of the Kalahari have a new fucking god.
Shut your Chamomile Tea holes: The Whopper is the greatest thing that has ever happened to these people. Believe me, visit them in 20 years and the little browns will be worshiping the leftover wrapper like it’s C3P0, passing tales of the benevolent King down to their distended-bellied flypaper children via oral tradition.
Meet me here at 1:00 PM.
posted by RQH at
6:27 PM
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